F**k Forgiveness… Or Maybe NOT

Have you ever listened to a song and somehow the lyrics became isolated from the tune? Like somehow the musical tunes and tones disappeared leaving you alone with all of the words you sing every so often but never focus on. This time is different though, this time you pay attention to what is actually being said in the song. You pay attention to the text. For me, that song is I’m Not Ok by H.E.R. When she says, “ Feels like I’ve been here stressing the things that I cannot see,” lyrics like those penetrate the surface and then I begin to realize just how much I feel them. I should be busy, but somehow my brain takes its own breaks in between whatever I should be doing. “I’m not okay.” She continuously confesses throughout the song and it resonates deeply within me because it reminds me of the obvious. It reminds me of all the forgiveness I haven’t given and then it hits me. I mumble a few statements to myself as if they’re affirmations when they’re just reminders that I shouldn’t have to give.

You forgive them.

You’ll forget it all.

You forgive yourself.

I could stress that point until I’m blue in the face, but at the end of the day, I realize that I am lying. Do we really forgive all of the people that we claim we do? I mean do we really mean the word when we say it or is it just a way of lying to ourselves so we can appear to feel better for others. I have an even better question… What does it even mean to forgive? It is defined as the process of getting over your anger or resentment toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake. Read it again and then think about the last time you told someone you forgive them. Did you really forgive them? See sometimes we tell people we forgive them and accept apologies even though we really don’t. The word forgiveness has become as generic as the statements “Thank You” and “How are you?” For some, it’s meant but most people just say it to seem kind or like they give a shit when they don’t. Of course, I’m not calling into question every moment, but I am questioning most of them. When you've been wronged, do you immediately forgive or do you ponder? Do you acknowledge the emotion that accompanies the initial offense or will a simple apology make it all better?

Often we allow ourselves to believe that any type of forgiveness is for the other party when in fact it isn’t. In actuality, our forgiveness is for us. In a way forgiving is our way of healing, so how are we doing that if we’re out here fake ass forgiving and rolling our eyes to the ceiling? In not acknowledging whatever or whoever hurt us, we make ourselves more susceptible to carrying more grudges and baggage than we realized. Ignored pain and suffering festers and then before we know it we’ve given what or who has hurt us power over us. Once we’ve given our power away how do we forgive ourselves? To forgive is not to forget, but to acknowledge and heal. We realize that forgiveness is not for them, but it’s for us. So, the next time you tell someone you forgive them ask yourself if you mean it, because if you don’t… Well, you know how that goes.

[Photo Obtained From Pinterest]