It's Okay to Just Exist

Have you ever looked up and realized that life is running circles around you in cleats and spandex? Like track star running while you're probably sitting at a bus stop with your head in a book, wondering what's next on your reading list. Yep. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but at this point, I'm a complete natural at it. I have looked up plenty of times from a good book and realized that life was on its track star mess, and no, I haven't gotten up to chase it. I haven't gotten up to pursue it for many reasons.

• I'm perfectly fine/comfortable with the idea of existing.

• Not living is crazy! I'm breathing, aren't I?

• I don't like to run.

• If it was meant for me to be going that pace, then I'd be there.

• I don't chase anyone or anything.

There is a boatload of other reasons, but they haven't revealed themselves to me yet. I was one of those children with overprotective parents that didn't allow me out of their sight. My mom always feared the worse, so she bought me journals and books to compensate for those fears. I spent most of my time with my grandmothers, hardly ever able to go off our front porch. My little adopted stray, Midnight, had more freedom than I did. Midnight was a kitten. I found the one time I was allowed to leave the porch under my grandmother's watchful eyes. Of course, like any child, I brought it home and begged my mom and dad to let me keep him. They agreed, and I kept the cat, or so I thought. My childhood mind didn't understand then that I couldn't keep Midnight because Midnight was on a different pace than I. Midnight couldn't be held in the house because he wasn't existing. He was living all of his nine lives out. As a child, I didn't realize I had overprotective parents or that I couldn't do much until I watched Midnight jump off the banister and disappear into the neighbor's bushes a few times. He'd walk past the neighborhood kids and go about his business. He always came home hours later and meowed at the door until someone opened it for him. Then He'd go in, climb his tower, and close his eyes. He would come in visibly tired from his day and plop down to sleep. It was odd that I didn't realize what freedoms I lacked until I encountered my alley cat with all his apparent privileges.

I believe that as long as you're fulfilled in the life that you're living, who really cares what pace it's going? When we're so into our own worlds and duties, we don't realize what's happening around us. We never see what we're missing or what's passing us by until we become too caught up in keeping up with others. It dawned on me that as a child, I didn't realize my limitations until I started watching the movements of my stray cat. At a young age, Midnight served to me as a symbol of all the freedom I didn't have. Though he was a cat, and I was a human child, there was still some similarity. On the way to wherever he was going, he'd always run past the neighborhood kids who also had more freedom than I. Before Midnight, I was perfectly content with the worlds I found between the pages of my books. I was oblivious to what was outside that, but somehow this kitten had opened my eyes to everything I hadn't seen before. It was crazy because I hadn't noticed it.

Of course, there are moments when we feel like life is making a run for it, and we're still on the bench, but does that really matter? Is it really a big deal when you're fulfilled with everything in your life? In so many words, what of life is passing you by? As long as you're not living a life of regret and irritation, that's all that matters. Then again, is it really living or existing in comfort because you're too afraid to live outside your comfort zone. Everyone is different, though, some people like myself may be comfortable existing in their comfort zone, but others may hate it. They might be on their way to the sporting goods store to cop a pair of cleats and some spandex because they are tired of allowing life to keep running them.